Pathetic Geek Stories

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What Readers Say About PGS:
"I'm very glad you do this… However, I must admit that looking at your site is a little like picking at a scab.
No—more like stabbing at an old scar or playing baseball with a phantom limb but actually hitting with the stump."

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Functions? No Thanks, Say Stalwart PGS Readers!


I asked, you answered: Am I wrong to not illustrate stories about malfunctioning (or all-too-well-functioning) bodily functions? Generally, I sympathized with the victims, but I didn’t think their experiences, though totally mortifying, were all that interesting as Pathetic Geek Stories, save for the occasional exception. The majority of people who wrote in seemed to agree with my assessment. Feedback is below.


Thanks to all who wrote me for your thoughtful responses. I don’t think this necessarily ends the debate, though. I’ll keep the Functions page up, and even update it from time to time, since I still get these stories no matter how much I dis them.

There’s no need to comedown pro- or anti-functions. Don't discriminate against functions stories —but don't publish them [if] they're not any good….Most functions stories are worthless, but don't throw the good ones out with the bad.


I particularly like the "party pooper" and the "person who lies to blind people.” You should do those!


[Of all the examples listed, the “blind” one came closest to one I would actually do. And I might, someday.—Maria]

while it is sometimes amusing these stories are not really all that geeky. i mean, who didn't let one out when having to do sit ups in phys ed? i know the most popular girl at school did and well, she wasn't a geek like me. farts, burps, craps - they're not pathetic just gross.
— rach


[I hear you Rach. Another point to consider: a popular kid can make a joke of it. In fact, often it’s considered cool when a popular kid farts or belches because it shows how fashionably rebellious and void of hang-ups he/she is. But if you’re already a social pariah, ANYTHING you do garners automatic contempt. Fairness does not enter into it.]

Having read the sampling of functions letters, I agree that on the whole they're not all that great. But there's at least one exception: The guy who got so excited about playing "Defender" that he peed his pants. It's the presence of "Defender" that really seals the deal. I think you should keep a small exception in mind for stories that, while they hinge on bodily functions, have such undeniably geeky qualities as to make them impossible to completely write off. If nothing else so you'll have something to use on a slow week. If those ever happen.

Yeah, all the stories that I read involving piss, shit, puke, weren't nearly as entertaining as the stories you pick for PGS. Their content definitely doesn't qualify them as geek stories either. I think you do a great job and am always excited to see a new PGS.

Here's my 02 :
I agree. I read the first five or so -- and while they are funny (and sad) PGS -- it's basically the same story over and over

…I also quite agree with what you say on the "functions" page - pooping is not that interesting. Don't compromise on the here-to-awesome quality of your work!

No need to illustrate the bodily function stories, I say stick with your instincts- they've gotten you this far hon!

Mate, you stick to your guns. I can't believe people send you letters like that! They are best never shared, let alone immortalized by your talented

Yeah, I'm totally with you on this one. No need to squander your talent on those sorts of stories when a.) how would you draw them, and b.) they're not even funny anyway. Well, OK, maybe the snot bubble one...
—Mike (apparently the only man on Planet Earth who doesn't [find] toilet humor funny.)

I agree, absolutely no need to illustrate the bodily function stories, but absolutely please continue to run the text. just because!


You were right. Bodily functions happen to cool people, and geeks, alike. Having to suddenly use the restroom and not making it is a matter of circumstance, not a matter of being a geek. Besides, anyone with the least bit of taste will agree that these stories are just too gross to listen to.

P.S. I saw your picture on this site, and you didn't look too bad. Cut yourself some slack.

[Um, OK…]